Waiting for 1 More

Truth is truth, and in the end God, like lightening, is looking for a conduit. ~Unknown For as long as I can remember, adoption has been in my heart. It started back in the early 80s when I saw one of those 48 hours/Nightline segments about the awful conditions in Romanian orphanages. I remember standing in my parent’s family room saying to myself: I’m going to adopt a child from a Romanian orphanage. I imagine the seed was planted in my heart at that moment. After high school I got married and Katelyn was born. After my divorce in 1996 I really thought I was done having kids. I was enjoying the little bit of freedom I had with Katelyn being older. I was so far away from cribs, diaper bags and bottles. In 1999 I met Brandon. He was so wonderful that I found myself thinking that the world would be a better place with a carbon copy of him walking around. So the idea of having more children was opened in my heart. In Feb 2000 we found out we were pregnant and over the next several months we lived a very painful and heartbreaking reality as we lost our twins. Having more biological children was no longer an option. After 2 ½ years of mourning I had to ask myself “What were we doing?”. It didn’t feel like we had accomplished much of anything except lots of thinking about what COULD HAVE been. I believe that was the moment that God watered my adoption seed. A couple of months later I went to work and got the overwhelming feeling to google “international adoption”. To make a long story short, through prayer, guidance and faith…. the Lord led us on an amazing journey and our son Jacob came home from St. Petersburg, Russia 9 months later. ….beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a heavy, burdened, and failing spirit--that they may be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified. ~Isaiah 61:3 After being home with Jacob for 2 months I clearly remember the distinct feeling that we had another child out there… a daughter… in China. This was in June 2003. I knew that it wasn’t time to START the adoption; it was time to think and pray about another adoption. In Feb 2004 I told Brandon that I wanted him to truly consider adopting a daughter from China. I prayed that the Lord would open his heart and 2 months later Brandon was on board and excited. We started Kiah’s adoption in October 2004 and brought her home in November 2005. Adoption had initially been about building our family. We desperately wanted a child and there were children that needed families. Through the process of adopting Jacob, our eyes were open to the worldwide orphan problem and the extreme need. Adoption was not just about building a family anymore. It was about HELPING these children AND DOING GOD’S WORK. For those who believe the Bible, caring for orphans is a command, not a suggestion. With Kiah’s adoption we took James 1:27 to heart. There was absolutely no doubt that the Lord set a very distinct path for us to follow. One the things we have learned on our adoption journeys is there is no timing but God’s timing. And God’s timing is always perfect! Brandon and I thought we were going to wait a couple of years before adopting again after coming home with Kiah. That was OUR plan… not God’s plan. The Lord made it very clear that He had another path for us to follow. 9 months after coming home with Kiah, the Lord made it clear that He had another son for us. In August 2006 we were matched with Luke. Although this occurred sooner than WE had planned, it was clear it was God’s plan for us. With joyful hearts and with praise for the Lord, we were thrilled to be on another adoption journey. Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Does he not leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? ~Luke 15:4 Part being a true follower of Christ is that you must be willing to surrender your plans, your ideas, and your “control” and be open to God’s will. We WANTED to be true followers of Christ. We made a conscious decision to align ourselves with His Word. We could SEE the miraculous events that were occurring and that had occurred in our previous adoptions and they simply could not be ignored. We BELIEVE the Lord wants to bless us, prosper us, promote us and care for us. We BELIEVE the Lord keeps His promises. We BELIEVE He is our FATHER and only wants good things for His children. In May 2007 we came home with Luke. A couple of months after coming home, Brandon said that he wanted to eventually adopt again (YES, BRANDON!!!). We had discussed waiting several years. In October 2007, after being home 5 months, I began to feel “the pull” again. It was that old familiar feeling inside that we weren’t done and that there was another child out there somewhere. At first, China wasn’t even at the top of our list! I started researching different programs and countries: Ethiopia, Liberia, African American domestic adoption, etc. Brandon was really interested in Ethiopia. Each time I would get excited about a different adoption program it seemed something would pull us back to China. In mid-October 2007 we began reviewing profiles for little girls. We *thought* we were looking for another daughter. We knew almost immediately in each instance that none of them were our daughter. As Brandon and I talked about the future I began to wonder what it would be like when we were actually MATCHED with our new daughter. I imagined that finding her would be like lightning bolts! I imagined huge fanfare and this grand “A-HA!!!” moment. In mid- December I received a call out of the blue from an agency I had requested information from months before. The lady started telling me about some children she was trying to place. We viewed a little girl’s profile who had a severe special need that needed immediate attention. She really needed a paper-ready family that could proceed immediately. We were not paper-ready and we truly did not feel that her special need was one our family was able to deal with. During that week I began to question WHY we were looking for a little girl. Maybe our next child was a BOY. We had wanted a little sister for Kiah since Jake and Luke would be close in age. I remember thinking to myself… a GIRL is what WE want. Maybe it is not what GOD wants for US. At that moment we decided that we should consider looking at boys profiles as well. …Speak, LORD, your servant is listening. ~1 Samuel 3:9 Fast as lightening, the same agency quickly called and asked us about a little boy that they were trying to place. We again agreed to look over his profile. This little boy had a very manageable special need. This began a very tough time for us. We prayed about this little boy and we did not seem to find a definitive answer whether he was our son or not. We wanted to be in God’s will. After 4 ½ weeks of praying and what turned into a tumultuous decision process, we decided to release the little boy’s profile so that his FOREVER family could find him. Unfortunately, this whole process had felt like a huge tropical storm that had enveloped us. A couple of days later we both decided that we should wait another month and then just begin the home study process to get our dossier together. Later that afternoon a friend of mine emailed me about her agency. This agency had received a list of waiting children back in November and there were many children still unmatched. In no hurry and with no expectations, just curiosity, I went to the website and looked at the list of children. As I clicked on Logan’s picture I remember thinking: “Hmmmm. He’s really cute. Look at those eyes.” I then closed the website and continued on with my day. That evening in passing conversation I told Brandon that I had seen the cutest little boy on a waiting child list. About an hour later I decided to pull up his picture and I asked Brandon to take a look. Brandon walked over to the computer, took a look… and kept looking. He sat there for several minutes staring at Logan’s pictures. That evening we talked briefly and it seemed that he was interested in learning more about this child so I told him that if he was interested in this little boy that we could put him on HOLD for a week. 2 hours later Brandon whispered “Put him on hold”. The next morning I called the agency and put him on HOLD. For the next week we talked about him, we read and re-read his profile and his medical, we looked over his pictures. As the week was drawing to a close I told Brandon that we would need to make a decision. Actually, I was leaving the decision up to him. I did not want to get emotionally invested and I wanted his open mind to make the decision. The day before “decision day” I reminded him that we needed to make a decision. That evening he called me from work and said these 4 words: “Let’s bring him home.” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing so I told Brandon to think and pray about it for the rest of the night and then we would talk again in the morning. The next morning I phoned him after I got to work and he repeated the words again “Let’s bring him home”. On Jan 23rd we were officially matched with our beautiful Logan!!! After all the craziness and uncertainty of trying to make the right decision about the other little boy, Logan was the calm after the storm. Literally! It was like after the storm had passed we looked up and Logan floated in on a little raft, there all along right behind the craziness just waiting. No lightning bolts, just calm and peace and a distinct feeling that he is definitely our son. GOD IS GOOD!!! NOTHING IS INSIGNIFICANT. God uses everything for good in our lives and God always acts in our best interest. The Lord has repeatedly shown us that this is His path for us… that this is His will for our lives. We strive to be focused on the unseen hand of God at work in our lives and not on what our human eyes can see. God can change lives using the gentle, consistent sincere lives of people who love and serve Him. "The Lord only builds a bridge of faith directly under the feet of the faithful traveler. He never builds the bridge a few steps ahead, for then it would not be one of faith." We Live By Faith Not By Sight 2 Cor. 5:7 from Streams in the Desert by L.B. Cowman

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