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About Emmi Su
 Let's
start by saying, this happened NOTHING like we thought it
would.
Seriously, I know that all of you out there
that are still waiting( because this is how we were), have
it all planned out in your head. We did. Not one thing we
thought would happen did. Not one. I say all this because
when it happened the way it did, we were at first guarded
and puzzled. Why say any of this? because in the years I
have been following adoption journeys I have never heard
anyone say this. Maybe some one else could benefit from
knowing you are not alone, sometimes it just doesn't go
the way you thought it would. One thing is for sure, none
of this process as gone the way I thought it would, so
really, nothing new! Maybe 2 years is too long to build up
expectations, who knows?? Moving on.........
We found our daughter.........she didn't find us. I am not
sure that will make since to those of you outside the
adoption community or not, but for those of you involved I
know you will understand. You see we are on our agency's
waiting child list, and periodically they will send out
these emails with "available" children. I have looked at
these lists FOR MONTHS. Scrolling through, looking and
praying for them, hoping that just maybe I would find out
who our daughter was. I never thought we would meet this
way, I always thought I would get this call, you know the
one, "the call" from our agency describing this perfect
little person, I would then get off the phone call dh to
get home at once, and then we would open her picture
together for the first time. That IS how it happens for
most people! Not us! Any way, I was looking through the
latest list, like I always have, and as I scrolled through
this one little girl caught my eye. Now like I have said I
have done this so many times, sometimes I call dh and say
look here at this one, do you want to review her file,
only for dh to say NO, she isn't “her”. Now mind you I
always knew she wasn't, but you know how it is. Sometimes
while looking through these lists our oldest daughter
would be in the room and I would ask her, so you think
this is Emmi Su? she would always say, no mom that isn't
her. Well, on a Tuesday night, June 17th, at 5:10 I got
this email with the list I mentioned above and was
looking, when the little girl caught my eye, it was
different this time, not love at first sight or any thing,
just different. Our oldest daughter was behind me and I
didn't know it, she said Mom, that's her! I turned around,
a bit in shock, she said look at her "American given"
name. You see when our agency sends out these mass emails
they give the children "American" names to protect their
identity. They are just random names, not their names at
all, we are free to name her as we please. Her American
name started with an "e". All of our children’s names
start with an “E”! With these emails comes a short
biography. I read it, I couldn't from the biography tell
what this child's "special need" was. Well now, that is
weird, you can always tell. I called dh, who had already
left work, bummer, he wasn't at a computer, this is the
ONLY time in my life I wasn't glad he had left for home.
He says email it to his blackberry maybe he could open it
on there. I did, he opened it, he says it is like less
than an inch tall, I can't see it! OH MAN! I tell him how
I feel, I tell him what our oldest had said. Our youngest
daughter had said I always wanted a same age sister. He
says, without seeing her, request to review. I said dh she
is 4! He said I know one step at a time, just request the
review! I typed it up on the computer while on the phone
with him. He asks so have you sent it? I said NO, not yet.
He asks are you going to send it? I didn't answer at
first, my thoughts, she is 4, I thought I wanted a baby?,
she is 4..........then I sent it. No harm to review,
right? I don't have to make a decision right now I
thought. Although, now I know, we had made a decision, it
just wasn't how we had thought it to be. I emailed, they
responded. They inform me of her special need, of which I
am still not sure can be considered a special need! I
think ummm maybe we have a doctor evaluate this, maybe I
am nuts, and I am missing something in all these files. Dh
finally gets home. The only word we initially had for her
was "sweet". This is all right when our agency is closing.
We are able to look at the files until morning. Dh and I
both think we should take these to "Nationwide Children's
Hospital international adoption clinic" YES, maybe they
can tell us. I call first thing, they say sure, we will
take you at 2:30pm,this on June 18th, a Wednesday. I made
the appointment. I email our coordinator with our agency
to see if that is ok. She calls in less than 5 minutes.
She asks how we are doing, and says that is it ok, but we
were taking a risk, if we didn't know for sure yet, and
decided not to lock her file. She is part of the new
shared referral system, which means other agency's have
access to her file and they could lock it and save it for
one of their families if they wanted. I told her I just
couldn't say 100% yet. You see there are several factors
to consider when locking a child's file. One, your agency
can only lock that file ONCE! If they unlock it, then no
one else from our agency would ever get a shot at her, and
when you decide to lock it, you only have 48 hours to get
all your paper work in to your agency. I couldn't lock
because one, that would limit our time to get paperwork
done, and two if we didn't move forward how was that fair
to her, to not give her the shot at another Christian
family. Our agency has rules, and they WILL NOT show this
file to another one of our agency’s families while it's
under review. I told our FC don't lock it, just call me if
someone else does. She said she would monitor her file all
day and be sure to let me know if her status changed. I
thanked her. I called dh to be sure I said/did the right
thing, he agreed it was fine and assured me if she was
ours, she would still be there.
 I
then prayed, God if she is ours (knowing she was, just
still trying to wrap my head around the virtual twins I
was going to have) hide her file so no other agency can
lock it. We then moved on. Dh was home by noon. We went to
get copies of her pics made for the doctor to see. We then
dropped the other 3 kids at my mom's. OH we took an
updated family picture in her yard, you know in case this
was it, we would need them. We headed off to children's
hospital. He took an hour and half with us, that very nice
doctor, who happens to be the head of the international
adoption clinic here. He looked at all the testing, he
kept saying "normal". I do believe that was the word we
heard the most, "normal". Well now, normal we can do. I
have had a doctor tell me, she really has no special need,
and believe me, it is because she is nothing but normal. I
was so pleased with our visit to Children's (now those of
you who know me have to know what a miracle that is, in
and of itself). Dh and I left, and we noticed this just
"seems so right" JUST peace. BUT ummm she is 4! No
fireworks, no anything. Just peace, again, not how we
imagined it to be. I called our FC, she didn't answer, I
left a message. Would her file still be available? At this
point I was trying to not get attached. I had only looked
at her picture a few times, I didn't research that
mountain of medical papers, I just waited for God to show
me the next step. We took everything in steps. Finally our
agency called back, in less than 5 minutes, but it seemed
like forever. She asks if we know what we are wanting to
do. I say is her file still unlocked? She says ummm let's
look. I said lock it please! She says, you're sure? YES,
we are sure. She says, she's locked and all yours, no one
else has access to her file. That is when the tears filled
my eyes! That is when I knew I could look at her pictures,
you know really look at them. Dh and I headed to get more
passport pictures made. We had to head home to change for
church. Let's see I called Melissa, my Mom, and Tonya. We
went and got the kids, told them, yeah, they already knew.
When I talked to my Mom she asked have you locked her file
yet? Funny! My kids carried her picture all through church
showing EVERYONE. I didn't get to show anyone! LOL! It's
great because none of them are familiar with the process,
so waiting child so doesn't even come up! When our oldest
was behind me Tuesday night and read her bio, she even
said, hey that isn't a special need, what are they
thinking? I couldn't of said it better myself! After
church we sent our ***ROHLER REFERRAL*** email. That was
at like 10pm and I was wasted! I had sat there and done
most of the paperwork, you know the stuff I mentioned that
had to be done in 48 hours. Oh something else, while at
church that Wednesday night someone said to me, I thought
you wanted a baby??!!! I replied without thinking, so did
I, but I don't!
Let's see no diapers, no formula, no crib.....I think I am
going to like this, my suitcase just got 15lbs lighter!!!!
 Some
details about our girl........
She was born February 23, 2004.
She is with a foster family, and has been since she was 6
months.
She is from Fuling, Chongqing.
She is described as having a sweet smile, and is an
intelligent girl.
We will travel from here to Beijing, then to Chongqing,
then to Guangzhou, which is in the Guangdong province.
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