Reason #1: God’s story in Mia

People didn’t ask “why” as much when we were adopting Mia. The whole process was marked by a certain degree of naive optimism. Needy orphan + Loving family = God’s perfect plan. What could go wrong?

Our first weeks with Mia seemed to confirm this theory. We were prepared for a scared little girl, but that is not who strutted into our hotel room and lives that day. Her shocking beauty and over-the-top confidence convinced us that Mia had managed to emerge unscathed from almost 2 years in an orphanage. With the exception of her hearing loss, we had managed to adopt a completely healthy little girl - God’s perfect plan… or so we thought.

In retrospect, we see how foolish we were. God has a very special design for the early months and years of life. With biological children, we take for granted that a crying baby needs to be fed or have a diaper changed or just be held. The simple idea that someone will come if you cry or that someone will meet your needs if you can express them; that idea is not always learned in an orphanage full of cribs and schedules that do not bend to the needs of a single child. Many children in orphanages eventually stop crying – because it does not do any good. Others become very “charming” and indiscriminately affectionate because they learn that it can help them get extra attention. These are not the lessons God intended for the first years of life – and it fundamentally impacts the hearts and minds of those who come out of this system. It was foolish of us to assume that anyone could experience what Mia had experienced in her life and come out unscathed. What we originally saw as signs of healthy self-esteem and loving attachment were actually coping mechanisms hiding a lot of pain. It took us an embarrassingly long time to see past Mia’s exaggerated smile and her cast-iron will to the broken heart behind it all.

I am truly saddened by how long it took us to realize what was really going on with Mia. I am not proud of how I handled some of the challenges from the first year. In retrospect, I realize that my heart needed to be softened and healed as much as Mia’s. And in the middle of this realization of Mia’s pain, we also needed to parent her. Her history provided some explanation, but it could not serve as an excuse. And so we began the difficult balancing act of trying to nurture a broken heart while also trying to discipline active defiance. Throughout this season, we waited and waited for love to take hold in Mia’s heart and in ours. And in secret, we strained against the idea that it might not, or might not fully, ever happen. While it was a different route than we expected, God’s plan did prove more perfect than we could have ever imagined. It didn’t happen on our schedule, but it did happen. God healed Mia, and God healed us.

We completely love her. She is every bit Abby and Adam’s equal in our hearts. And she completely loves us. And love changes everything.

Watching God soften and heal Mia’s heart has been one of the great privileges of my life. Feeling Him wind her so deeply into my own heart has multiplied my understanding of God himself.

One reason we are adopting Will is because we cannot shake the reality of remaining broken hearts and the certainty that God can do it all again. We are humbled to have front-row seats to watch his magnificent, extravagant love at work in Will’s heart and in our own.

Reason #2: God’s story in me

The other half of the answer is both simpler and more complex at the same time.

We adopt because that is what we learned from our adoptive Father in heaven.

Several years ago, some friends in our bible study group decided to look at the New Testament – the story of Jesus - through a fresh set of eyes. To help with this, they purchased new bibles so that they would not be distracted by years of highlighting and underlining in their current ones. They would read it, and then they would report back what they found.

When they returned several weeks later, we all sat like eager children on the edges of our chairs until someone nervously asked, “So, what does it say?”

Their answer surprised and, ultimately, changed us. “It’s all orphans and widows in there. It’s all orphans and widows.” That was their report, and a room full of upper-middle class people sat silently for a long, long time. It has taken me several years to begin to really understand what they meant that day. I do believe the bible calls us to reach out to the lost and rejected and marginalized. I do believe we are supposed to love the literal orphans and widows of the world. But I believe that the call goes far beyond physical needs. We are all lost and broken and rejected on some level. We are all spiritual orphans, and the “good news” of Jesus is the story of a loving Father calling home his lost children. It is a story of redemption. So our journey to Will is ultimately our response to the gospel. We adopt, because that it what we learned from our Father. We are captivated by God’s pursuit of us in Jesus. The uncomfortable, sacrificial, and ultimately painful journey he embraced in order to adopt us- in order not to leave us fatherless- leaves us with a hunger to imitate him.

Far more than Mia ever has, I have spent years rebelling and resisting His love. I have run kicking and screaming away from Him. I have hidden from Him when I did not want to hear what He had to say. I have pouted. Over and over, I have chosen my will and my plan over His. And He has continued to love me in spite of my rebellion. He models unconditional love in the face of daily rejection. He is everything as a parent that I strive, and frequently fail, to be.

Having seen God’s perfect plan in Mia’s story, we feel privileged that we get to partner with Him to once again experience the joy of restoration – Will’s and our own..

Our journey thus far has taught us not to assume anything. We do not know what to expect. We do not know how God will show up. But we do know to expect that He will. And we want the six of us to be in the middle of His story when He does…