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January 12, 2008
(well actually the 13th)

Yesterday was a difficult day of recovery for our little Sarah. The day started out with ambitious and positive plans to remove all three chest tubes, remove her foley catheter, remove her SVC line, and then possibly remove her arterial line. Well, before any of that could happen, they needed to remove a small wire that fed directly into her heart that read the pressures of her new “plumbing”. A very kind Surgical PA named Rich came in to do the job. He was chatting with us and all was going to plan when he removed the wire. The first 15-30 seconds were fine. He had told me what to look for, what sometimes happens and what “could happen but never does”. Of course, that’s exactly what happened. The site where the wire entered her chest was bleeding. No, it was pumping blood out. Who knew so much blood could come out of such a tiny little hole? Of course she was crying which wasn’t helping to stem the blood flow. At first Rich was calm. Then he started calling all sorts of back up people to be on stand by and soon enough there were people EVERYWHERE. Blood for transfusion was ordered stat and there was the dreaded call to the OR to be on standby. Meanwhile, I was talking in her ear and helping to keep her still so that they could continue to apply pressure to stop the blood flow. In any case, the blood stopped and the major crisis of returning to the OR was averted. Her chest tubes stayed in place and she did have to receive more blood and some plasma. Thank goodness I was not here alone. It was so helpful to have my mom here to sort of restabilize me after Sarah was again resting comfortably. After my adrenaline subsided, I felt absolutely drained. Lack of sleep certainly didn’t help matters. The other thing now worrying me is that since that event, Sarah is rejecting me. She took a cup of water from me (her first thing by mouth since the surgery) but since then has only taken fluid from my mom and my mom got her to eat her first real food (pudding). I am keeping my faith that Heavenly Father will help us both find the path again. It is to be expected that this is causing trauma for her. How my heart aches that she must endure it all. She did end up getting her foley catheter out and late at night she got out the SVC line that was in her neck. The most glorious news was that I finally got to HOLD her!!! It was a tangle of wires and tubes and it was wonderful. She fell asleep in my arms and even with aching arms and an uncomfortable chair, I was in HEAVEN. What a treasure it is to hold my baby. I wish her daddy was here. We miss him terribly but I know that the other kids are so grateful and blessed that he is home with them. We are grateful for the many people who have helped with the other children and with meals to our family. Thank you for helping to shoulder the load and make it lighter. We feel so blessed. Truly.

Please pray that Sarah’s heart will continue to heal both physically and emotionally. Pray that her mama is up to the task as well. Pray that she will take food from me. Pray that there will be no more crisis episodes. Sarah and I (and ALL of us) can feel the strength of those prayers.

I really want to thank Joe and Jennifer too. You are our lifeline for communication and we so love you dearly! Thank you all so much for your messages. I read each and every one of them, Brian reads them and I share them with Sarah and my mom here with me. It is a warm light to us, especially in darker moments.

Looking forward to a better day……………….

With love,

Anna

Our beautiful baby
finally without her breathing tube

Mama gets to hold Sarah at last

Look at all those wires and tubes attached to her

Hooray for loving grandmas

Our beloved Respiratory Therapist SHAWN!

Bathed & dressed and comfy (thanks Candace!)

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