Our Red Thread

After coming home from China with our son Luke, we decided to sponsor a child in China. After spending time researching organizations in China, we decided to sponsor a child through the Philip Hayden Foundation. On the morning of August 7, 2007 I went to the PHF website and clicked on the sponsorship link. There were a ton of kids in need of sponsorship. Looking at all of the little faces was overwhelming. I closed my eyes and prayed to God to guide me to a child that needed us. I opened my eyes and as soon as I saw her sweet picture…. I knew she was the one. This little girl, named “Holly” by PHF, was just 11 months old. She had a highly pigmented birthmark on her face and she was just gorgeous. Shortly after receiving our sponsorship paperwork her picture was on our fridge. How could I resist! Look at her cuteness! A few weeks later I received our first sponsorship update on Holly. The pictures were amazing but what most intrigued me was that her update stated that PHF was trying to locate a doctor to assist in treating her congenital nevus. While waiting for Luke to come home I became friendly with an adoptive mother who was also adopting from Luke’s orphanage. Her son had congenital nevi over a large part of his body. For some reason I was very intrigued with this special need. We had a very tough trip to China to adopt Luke however the one child I made a point to visit in the orphanage.... was that little boy. I remember reading a lot about his experience after he came home. I started thinking there was a reason that I had taken such an interest in this little boy. I used the knowledge that I gained from reading about that little boy and dove head-first into locating a doctor specializing in congenital nevus that could possibly help Holly. I gathered a ton of information and forwarded it to PHF’s doctor. Several weeks later I received a response email saying that they were appreciative for the assistance but that they had ultimately decided that Holly should wait for treatment until she found a forever family. Treating and removing a congenital nevus can be a long process. They wanted Holly to have the security and love of a family to help her. In the beginning of January 2008, I suddenly thought that maybe we should find an agency to petition the CCAA for Holly's file. I didn’t know anyone who had done something like that before but I figured it was worth researching. I sent an email to PHF to find out if they knew the status of Holly’s adoption paperwork. Organizations such as PHF do not normally know any information pertaining to a child’s adoption status until a family comes forward to announce that they are adopting a child. Through additional research we were able to discover that her paperwork was in the process of being completed by her orphanage and it was expected to be finished in April 2008. We started praying about what we should do. We knew we were being called to adopt again. We decided to just start the homestudy process and wait to see where God lead us. I hoped that eventually I would find Holly’s paperwork somewhere on an agency list. Two weeks later a friend casually mentioned that her agency had a group of kids that had not been matched. With no expectations, just curiosity, I checked out the list and that afternoon we saw Logan’s face for the first time. The Lord quickly confirmed that he was our son. We immediately started the process to adopt Logan. Holly was never far from my mind. We continued to sponsor her and I was giddy each time we got a sponsorship update. I kept in close contact with PHF and they were always happy to tell me about her growth and development. Even though we were right in the middle of Logan’s adoption with 4 other kids at home…. I hoped in my heart that we would eventually be able to adopt her. We had been sponsoring her for almost a year at that point and it seemed we were now using the word “our” in front of her name when we talked about her. We sent her care packages, had her pictures on our fridge and at work. She has always been in our heart. We just…..loved her.

Brandon and Nicole Katelyn Jacob Kiah Luke Logan

In April 2008 I wondered if Holly's paperwork was ready as had been predicted and if it would be sent to an agency. I tried not to linger on those thoughts. I started to think that if the Lord intended her for our family…well… then she would be available when it was time. When the summer arrived I started dreading receiving the PHF newsletter. They always had a section that referenced the latest adoptions. My stomach would be in knots as I slowly opened the brown envelopes. I would hold my breath as I turned the pages to the adoption section. I always hoped that I WOULDN’T see her picture there. After all… in my heart… she was ours. We came home with Logan in October 2008 and I immediately wondered about Holly. Was her file really completed in April? Did she get placed on an agency’s individual list? Was her file sent to the shared list? Had she been matched to a family? One day in early November I received an email about Holly from my good friend Erin. It was one of those out-of-the-blue emails. Then I received another email inquiring about her from another person… then another. None of these people knew each other and I hadn’t posted about Holly on my blog since the summer. I started to wonder if maybe this was some sort of Divine Intervention. I decided to ask the agency we used to bring Logan home if they would inquire with the CCAA about Holly’s adoption paperwork. One nervous week later we received an email from the agency stating that she had indeed been on the shared list in July/August 2008 but HAD NOT been matched. For some reason I felt uneasy about the answer but I suddenly had such hope! The agency said they would watch the shared list for her profile. I started wondering if her profile would end up on an agency’s individual list. I was overwhelmed with how many potential scenarios there could be. My sweet friend Stefanie suggested I use the Rainbow Kids email feature to email all of the agencies participating in the China waiting child program to be on the lookout for her profile and to please contact us if they saw her listed. One of those emails went out to the agency we used for Kiah’s adoption. The waiting child coordinator immediately emailed me that she could find out some information for us. I was thinking that it would take some time for her to get back with me. I was not prepared for what happened next. Less than 1 hour later I received an email from her which contained 3 simple lines... Holly had been matched from the summer shared list, her new family just received TA and they were traveling to China in the next 2.5 weeks. I WAS IMMEDIATELY DEVASTATED. The simple words which had been so easy for her to type…. they simply pierced my heart. There was no primer…. no “well we found out this potentially upsetting news….” The email was direct and informational and stung beyond words. I was so upset, crying, blubbering. Brandon had just gone upstairs to change for work and I ran upstairs in tears. He stood there stunned. He couldn’t imagine what could be the problem. It was immediately clear to me that my whole heart had been invested in this little girl that I had never held, touched or even spoken to. I just felt I had this bond with her. I had felt this gut feeling… this feeling that she was to be OURS. And in just a few seconds… it seemed that it was all….over. Then I remembered what I had included in my prayers over the last year… the part where I told the Lord that I wanted HIS WILL…. not ours. To close the door if it was not His will. The part where I said that if it was His will that we adopt her that I would wait to hear from Him and do whatever He needed me to do. But… while I’m praying Lord… please Lord know that I REALLY want her to be ours! Well… that email felt like the closing door. NO... the slamming door. And it felt like I had been squashed in it. I emailed PHF and they confirmed this information... a family was coming. I asked them to hug and kiss Holly for us. I thought about her every day, her pictures.. still on our fridge and at work. I just COULDN'T take them down... and I didn't know why. Although my heart hurt beyond comprehension, I believed the Lord had spoken . THEN....and here's where the NOW GOD part comes in.... on Wednesday, January 14th, 2009…almost 1 year to the day that we initially inquired about her adoption paperwork, I received an email from my friend Erin. She was the first person that emailed me about Holly back in November. She told me that a friend of hers had just traveled to PHF to get her daughter and…. she saw Holly there! This was at least a week AFTER her adoption should have been completed. I was in disbelief and I couldn’t comprehend what she was saying to me. Several minutes later I received an email from Erin’s friend… complete with a picture of Holly and her daughter that had been taken the week before. I couldn't believe it! I was stunned! I remember reading the email and bolting around the corner to the kitchen where Brandon was standing. I said “YOU ARE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE THIS!” Now we were both stunned. The family that had traveled to adopt her did not follow through with the adoption. Holly was back at PHF!!! TALK GOD… YOUR SERVANT IS LISTENING!!! Erin urged me to contact her agency and have them advocate for us. The agency agreed and we came into a time of deep prayer and faith. This just HAD to be GOD. I just knew it. There was no other option. The feeling in my gut had never gone away. From that moment forward I LIVED each day… each moment in a state of faith and expectancy. Each day I told God that I KNEW He was going to bring her file to us. I made posters and placed them throughout the house reminding everyone to pray. I made a bulleted list of what we should be praying for. I let God know that I totally believed in His will for this matter and that we would wait on Him. I emailed a small group of ladies and asked them to be prayer warriors for us. I wanted tons of petitions rising to our King! There were SEVERAL things that had to occur for us to be able to get her file. Things that I knew that only our Lord could accomplish. As the days went by I just knew He was working it all out. We continued to pray for the Lord to pave the way, remove all obstacles and bless this journey so we can bring this little girl home to our family! I logged into our email on February, 2/24…. 5.5 weeks since I had initially contacted our new agency about Holly. There was the email we had been waiting for… the agency had obtained her file!!! We wrote up our Letter Of Intent that evening and it was sent to China on 2/25!!! GOD IS GOOD!!! We received Pre-Approval from China on 3/13!; Our LID was 6/29!!!; And we received LOA on day 61 which was on 8/28!!! It’s been 27 months since I first saw this little girl’s face. Even though we are living these moments…. in some ways it still feels like a dream! Now when our kids call Holly “mei mei” (little sister)… it will actually be true! Holly’s new American name will be: Ava Shae Evangeline Ava is derived from the name Eve and is Hebrew for LIFE. Shae is Gaelic and means GIFT. Evangeline is Hebrew for MESSENGER OF GOOD NEWS. We are praising God daily for the wonderful blessings He has given us. We are looking forward to finishing this journey TO our sweet new daughter and beginning the next journey of having her AS our daughter.

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