Tuesday, August 29, 2006
THE AGONY AND THE ECSTASY

Well, I’ve thought quite a bit about how to capture the last three weeks in a short update. I don’t know how to adequately describe it and to tell you the truth, I am so tired, I’m sure even if it were possible, my mind couldn’t begin to recall the vocabulary for the effort! I find myself often stumbling over my words these days, or blurting out something inappropriate that normally I would have tried to contain before I uttered it. Those Freudian Slips should be called “New Mommy Slips”. But I will try…..

Oh, the agony and the ecstasy! :) Our little Grace is giving us heaps of both! During her first days home, she immediately took to the kids, and wanted very little to do with John or me. If we offered her a bottle or food, she would snatch it away from our hands and give it to one of the kids to give to her instead. If she needed anything, from being carried up the stairs to a new diaper, to playtime, she would always go to one of the kids first and only come to us if we were her last resort. Sleep times were HORRIBLE as she was totally on China’s time schedule. She would be up all night and want to sleep only sporadically throughout the day (which only made both of us tired and crabby!). I don’t think I came out of my jammies for days. Every time someone would drop by, they would say, “Oh, I’m sorry. Were you sleeping?” to which I would reply forlornly, “Noooo.....” Her screaming began again whenever we mentioned sleep or motioned to her crib or whenever she didn’t get her way. For a while, she was hollering every time she heard no, and it was hard to decipher whether we were dealing with a little girl making a hard adjustment to her new life, or just a toddler who was feeling all of her “two-ness”. It was an agonizing time of trying to make wise decisions in how to parent and teach her but give her the love and security and affirmation that she needed. All my parenting instincts were failing me, and I had to keep praying that God would give me patience, energy, and wisdom to know how best to mother Grace.

There was, however, a big bright side that gave us hope every day. This was the ecstasy of watching her come alive with her brother and sisters…a whole new goofy, funny, joyful, entertaining side of Gracie comes out when they are around. She is so funny and affectionate and loves to make them laugh and to cuddle with them. She became very talkative and animated and would mirror whatever they did. She would dance and try to “disco, disco” with her fingers the way her big sisters taught her, or do this silly “Wassup?!” with Jack every time he came in the room, as HE taught her. With them, she is always talking, always laughing, always happy. Seeing her like this made us eager to win her heart and have her interact with us this way as well.

When the kids returned to school this week, it gave me some wonderful time with Grace to just be Mommy and Gracie. We walked the kids to school each morning, and then spent time at the park, or going for a walk. We even had our first trip to Starbucks for our morning coffee on the first day of school. With no one else around, she has started to warm to me and give me small signs that she is opening her heart to me. When she first came from the orphanage, she would never cry when she got hurt. She was apparently used to comforting herself. But this week, I have noticed that whenever she has received a bump, even a slight one, she immediately looks to me and then begins to cry and hold out her arms for a cuddle, which I joyfully give as I make a fuss over her boo-boo. What a difference from our other three! We would normally just get them to laugh it off! But with Grace, I want her to know it is okay to receive comfort from Mama…I will be there to comfort her. She is interacting with me much more and has even learned a few signs to ask for more or thank you or to say sorry. And, amazingly, she has appeared to turn the corner on sleeping….for the last four days, she has asked to go to her bed to nap, and for the last three nights, she has slept all night, from 9 to 6….now you know that 6am for this night owl is still considered “middle of the night”, but I will take what I can get! :) We are so thankful that God answered our prayers for sleep! Her attitude during the day is remarkably improved…much less screaming, much more happy chatter. And so we look forward to see what the next days and months hold, as she becomes more and more secure in her new family.

We have so much to be thankful for. Our friends and family have been so faithful and generous to us. They poured out love on us during these first weeks home, bringing meals and gifts daily to welcome Grace. We even received the amazing gift of a playset for her, which our friends last weekend built for us in the backyard. So many have given us their best wishes or prayed for Grace and have truly celebrated her arrival and God’s blessing on our family. We really feel, even with as hard as the transition has been at times, that Grace is a tremendous, tremendous, blessing for our family. When she smiles up at us, our hearts sing and seeing her playing with her brother and sisters absolutely fills our hearts to overflowing. We never knew what we were missing until she joined us and now we can’t imagine our family without her. Thank you, God, for the incredible gift of Grace!