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A Letter to Jenna's Birthmother
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To a very special woman
somewhere in China,
Every day I wake up and wonder if today is the day that you’re
giving birth…if today is the day my daughter is being born…if
today is the day she is being found and taken to an orphanage on
the other side of the world…
Whether you know it yet or not, you and I are about to share an
incredible bond. We will share a daughter—the very child you are
perhaps still carrying. Though we will never meet, you will be
in my thoughts every day of my life. It seems unjust that the
very act which will bring you unspeakable grief, will bring us
indescribable joy. Please know how incredibly thankful we are,
and how grateful we will always be, for that painful decision
you’ll soon be making.
As we anxiously wait to adopt our daughter, there are so many
thoughts that go through my mind. I wonder if you have already
made this difficult decision, or if you’re waiting until she is
born. As we try to imagine all the things we’ll soon be doing as
a family, I wonder if you, too, are imagining your life with
this child. As we try to pick out a name for her, I wonder if
you are in China doing the very same thing. Every day, I wonder
where you live…when she’ll be born…where she’ll be found…how
cold it will be that morning…what her orphanage will be like…and
so much more.
Just as there are many things that I will always wonder about,
there are many things that I’m already very certain about.
I know, with absolutely no reservation in my heart, that your
daughter will be loved tremendously. She will be embraced by our
entire family—parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and
cousins—and especially her two older sisters (ages 3 and 5) who
were also adopted from China, and who are anxiously waiting for
their little sister to come home.
Kaylee and Madison talk about “their baby” all the time. In
fact, in many ways, it’s as if she’s already a part of our
family. Kaylee tells people that we have five people in our
family (four of us here and one of us in China). On Father’s
Day, she insisted that we put 3 candles on the cake—one for
Kaylee, one for Madison, and one for the baby--“because Daddy is
her Daddy, too”. And on our refrigerator is a picture that
Kaylee drew of three princesses. It has been hanging there
prominently for many months now. When I asked Kaylee who was in
the picture, she very matter-of-factly said, “Me, Madison, and
my sister in China.”
Our youngest daughter, Madison, is also ready to go get her
sister NOW—and is having a hard time understanding why we have
to wait. She makes a gesture with her hands, as if she is
rocking a baby, and says, “Baby…me hold baby… NOW! NOOOOWWWW,
MaMa!!!!” When I explain that we have to wait to go get the
baby, she always gets me with “Why, MaMa, WHY???” I must admit,
that as I try to explain this to her several times a day, I find
myself feeling just like a frustrated three-year-old myself. And
then our oldest daughter reminds me to be patient—and I realize,
without a doubt, that she’ll be well-worth the wait.
In case you have any doubts, your daughter will be loved
immensely. She already is. Someday soon, she’ll be playing with
her sisters, splashing in the bathtub, dancing around the living
room, dressing up like a princess, playing doctor, and taking
ballet lessons. We’ll play at the park, go on picnics, make
cookies, and have tea parties together. She’ll get a million
hugs and kisses every day. Her eyes will sparkle, her giggle
will be contagious, and she will bring great joy to all of those
around her. How do I know this? I know, because I’m blessed to
have already experienced the incredible miracle of
adoption—twice—and we can’t wait to share it all with a third
special little girl. I wish, somehow, you could know all of
this. Perhaps it would help make that fateful day just a little
easier.
My heart truly goes out to you. You are in my thoughts and
prayers every day. I pray that you’re having a healthy
pregnancy. I pray that when you make that difficult decision to
give your daughter a brighter future (somewhere in the world,
unbeknownst to you) that you are surrounded by people who love
you. I pray that you’ll be comforted each time you think of
her—that somehow you’ll know in your heart that your daughter is
happy and safe and well-loved. I pray, too, that she will always
know how much you love her.
In my heart of hearts, I wish that we could meet you one day. I
wish that I could hug you and try to thank you for this
incredible gift that you’re about to give us. I wish I could
thank you for making our family complete.
With a very full and grateful heart,
Kim Beagle
Future mother of Jenna Alyssa (Chinese Name) Beagle, who has
been growing in our hearts since July 1, 2005…and will soon be
joining our family |
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Web site by
myadoptionwebsite.com
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