Trip to China
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Wednesday, August 11, 2010 FROM ONE MOTHER TO ANOTHER We didn't get much sleep last night in anticipation for today's schedule. I just couldn't wait to meet Harper's foster mom and was nervous how Harper would react. In my head I asked God to give us the strength we needed to get through today. I prayed for the foster mom as well and that we made the right decision for her to see Harper. We knew today might cause her much pain. I dressed Harper in one of the prettiest dresses I brought. It was a purple sundress that was decorated with little animals. We also had a purple headband and an elephant bow to match but she didn't let me keep that on her too long! I wanted Harper to look perfect today so I remembered to keep the bib on her for a longer time after she ate so that we didn't have a repeat of yesterday's incident. She was pretty tired getting up but I kept saying trust me child you will want to go to where we are going today! Our driver met us downstairs at 9:00 am. Our driving time from Nanchang City to the new Fengcheng City would be about a 1-1/2 car ride. Harper loves being in the car but not the way we do in America. Here the kids stand or sit, and in China, we do as the China people do! I at least tried to strap her in on top of me but always have her facing outwards, but she loves to stand and press her face against the window and smile at everyone she sees. She can crack herself up too! She is a totally different child outside on the street then how she is with just Todd and me in the hotel room together. I think she gets bored with just us, or maybe just doesn't feel comfortable letting go with just the two of us. But when others are around she just eats it up! I fear she will be bored when we bring her back to the states after seeing all the action in this city! We passed through town upon town and they all look pretty much the same: Open store fronts where people sit outside, cars everywhere and little kids running in and around the street. It doesn't look dirty at all; it just looks old and crowded. The moped and bicycles do loops in front of the cars and there is always something interesting to look at. I have never seen driving like this but I am getting use to going with the flow of it! You don't really have a choice when you have large commuter buses only inches away turning into the car you are in! We knew we would get to see some China's countryside today and Todd filmed the majority of our trip and the time with the foster mother. It will be such a treasure to have the footage for Harper and us when she is older. The fields here are filled with large green lotus leaves and all sorts of yellow flowers. This time of year the main vegetable to eat is the lotus because it keeps the body cool. I have tried it a few different ways now and it is very good. You can see some evidence of flooding here and the land just goes on and on for miles. Apparently there is constant construction even in the middle of nowhere. The other thing Todd and I were commenting on was the beautiful people. I mean super model beautiful! We would peer out the window and there would be a gorgeous lady walking past carrying live chickens by their neck and bags of rice. It was just looked so out of place. Most of the women in her town look tall and Harper's legs seem long to me so I am assuming she might be on the taller side for her heritage. We took pictures of everything not knowing how far away we were from her finding place. As Harper ate her Gerber puffs and her organic peach and banana baby food all sorts of questions just kept ruminating in my head: Are we anywhere near where her biological family lived? Was this their first child? Does anyone I am seeing through my window know her? Has Harper seen these streets before? Does the area bring up any sort of feelings for her? Could that farmer be her dad or uncle? It was just an overwhelming car ride and I had butterflies the whole time. Another gift besides meeting the foster mom today was seeing the location of Harper's finding place. In China it is illegal to abandon your baby so the children are left at bus stations or outside of factories busy intersections in the early morning or late evening. When a baby is found the person who finds the child calls the police and then the orphanage workers go to the station to pick up the baby and bring the child back to the orphanage. Some babies make it and get adopted, some never get adopted and stay in the orphanage until they are fourteen years old and then some others are too weak and they pass onto God's kingdom way too young. It doesn't make sense to me and there is no rhyme or reason to it, but there are countless number of children here, boys and girls that need homes. It is sad b/c when I saw there really are so many children that have no names and will never know their past. They are missing their identity even if they are adopted. It makes you realize how grateful we really should be for the little things in life. Harper was found 3 months after her estimated birth date so we have assumed all along that her parents wanted to keep her but realized after a few months that she has a hole in heart that will likely require surgery. Surgery in China is very expensive and to us, what we hope will be a simple procedure (should she need it), is not so simple here. I can hardly imagine the anguish they felt when they found out the news about their baby girl's health. In fact, I really cannot fathom that sort of pain. We got stuck in a traffic jam (literally a jam) so that delayed us a bit to the orphanage. I thought I knew traffic back home but when there road construction here on a one lane road the cars do not move so they go on the sidewalk or off the road and go around each other. It was like being stuck in a video game! My stomach dropped when we pulled up to the gated orphanage which also houses the elderly. It was not a run-down orphanage by any means. The buildings were new and beautiful and so were the garden and walkways! Finally we arrived to the back area of the orphanage and before I could even get my seat belt unbuckled there was the foster mom running out to the car. I could not get my camera quick enough. I was so caught off guard. I guess I assumed she would be waiting inside for us and then we would have formal introductions but nope that is not how things work here. I got out of the car and the foster mom was screaming, "Xia, Xia" in the happiest most radiant tone I have ever heard! I looked to Todd who was still in the car and said, "Okay I guess this how it is going to work!" We had planned out every scenario of how to greet her and have Harper see her but we definitely did not plan it this way! However I truly wanted the foster mom to enjoy her time with her today. All the adoption officials were there and they were so excited to see us even though we really can't hold a conversation with them. We try to translate via our guide a little but for the most part we all just smile and sit there together! I followed the foster mother into the meeting room and she sat down with the baby and began to feed her one of her favorite foods, an apple. How sweet is this? This lady that does not have very much money brought an apple to give to Harper because she knew it was her favorite fruit! I just about melted! The foster mother was older and later we asked her age and she said sixty-five. God bless her! I can barely keep up with Harper and I am thirty-two! Not only did she have Harper for the past 15-1/2 months but she also has been fostering a 10 month old since April. We were shocked to her Harper had a playmate the past few months. She does not seem interested in other children at all. In fact she really has the personality of an only child! The foster mother said the other baby cried when Harper left and is lonely without her! Harper looked very comfortable to be in her arms but looked perplexed. I was totally fine with the foster mother holding her but made sure I sat down next to them and tried to touch Harper's legs and face so that I stayed in contact with her. The foster mom began talking away in Chinese and I just smiled. Karen said, "She said you are both young and pretty! She is so happy to see you both here with the baby". I said tell her we are happy to see her and then we all said a round of "Xie, Xie," which means thank you. However the foster mother says like 100 xie xie's in the time it takes me to say one! She is a high energy lady and very loud but so comforting and loving as well -- she reminded me of a typical Italian Nana. Todd and I were both thinking the same thing -- we made the right decision to come here! The foster mom was just so sweet and Harper wanted to stay in her arms. I came prepared and the guide apologized for the foster mom taking her and holding her. I said no problem I want them to be happy and she said, "Wow you are too nice of an American. Usually the Americans don't' let the foster mom hold the baby. I said, "Wouldn't that be like torture why even come then"? The foster mother kept grabbing my hand and thanking me while she feed Harper an apple. We asked questions but to tell you the truth half of them and the answers I don't remember. I was so in awe that this was happening and I just felt an immediate connection to the foster mom when I saw her. I just couldn't believe how perfect this woman was and that Harper was given a gift of a lifetime to have this woman in her life. Again we are just so blessed and to witness this well there are no words to describe the meeting. It was very overwhelming and we both had feelings we have never felt before. She clued us in on Harper's little nuisances about how she takes the bottle fast, how she can hold watermelon and feed herself, how she loves to walk if you hold her hand and of course how she likes to be held. She was so proud of Harper and all that she taught her to do! The foster mom would look deep into my eyes and say all of these words with such passion and love. She also said that Harper would crawl into her bed every night and we told her that she is sleeping with us which made her very happy. The funniest thing she mentioned was when she and her husband argue Harper would pitch in with her voice and stand up for her! She asked what we do and Karen said that I would be home with Harper and that Todd works in the business field. She seemed pleased. And then her eyes filled up with tears and she began to cry asking about Xia, Xia's (Harper's) heart condition. It made me cry and I said to my guide, “Tell her not to worry. We will get it fixed for her and she will live a long and happy life.” She cried, grabbed my hands tightly and again another round of 100 xie' xie's took place (as I write this I can barely type-it is all so emotional and heart wrenching!) I had to use the restroom and so did the guide so we had to walk across a stone courtyard to get to the bathroom and then what did I find? Squatty potties! For those that are not familiar you squat to go to the potty! The guide handed me a tissue. She was very use to these bathroom facilities. I thought I would be prepared when I had to use one but no nothing prepares you for the hole in floor with doors wide open. I was desperate and all I could think to myself was thank goodness I got my shots! This is not the end of my bathroom stories for the day...yes I have a better one coming up! When we returned back to the room I noticed all the American family pictures hanging on the walls with the children that have been adopted. It was a really nice tribute to the families. The orphanage director and his staff snapped pictures of us during our visit so I hope they give some to the foster mother. We presented the foster mother her gifts for her and the foster father. It is very lucky to give gifts in red bags and red tissue paper so regardless of how full our suitcases were we packed it! The Chinese people will not open the gifts in front of you so she put them in her bag and thanked us. For those that are curious we gave her a gold heart necklace so that she would always remember Harper and her heart and the love that they will always have for one another. There is no doubt in my mind Harper's personality and spunk is from this woman raising her. Harper's heart is filled with her foster mother's love and a piece of their heart went with each other that day they parted. It was now time for lunch and we tried to figure out who would go in which car. The foster mom would go with the orphanage officials and I had to take Harper from her arms. I thought to myself oh great here we go! I grabbed Harper and she reached out to the foster mom. Harper screamed and cried but just for a moment in the car. Todd and I gave each other panicked looks but I kept telling her that we would see her again in a moment. Our first stop was the finding location. We were so amazed that we could even get this information as her referral file said nothing about a finding spot. She was found in the material market and apparently the hospital was only a few blocks away. My thoughts are that her parents might have been there before so they placed her here. I can never tell my child I know for certain what happened but I can try to piece together the puzzle pieces for her as best as I can. We stopped the car and Todd jumped out along with the other car load of people. I felt paralyzed and upset to see this intersection. I took a quick pic of Harper viewing out and then the orphanage Director's daughter came over and started to play with Harper through the window so I thought well I should get out no matter how hard this is for me. We crossed the side street and there we were at her spot. Aghh...it was so sad! I cried and cried! I was stepping in the same place her parents were at one point in time. I know most people think how can someone leave this little baby helpless on the street like that but really how brave of her biological mother to leave her somewhere that was open and not concealed. She could have been nervous about her own safety but she thought of this child first even though she could get caught. She placed her at the busiest intersection in old Fengcheng right on the main road. My mind cannot even go to the anguish Harper felt that day to be left there but I do see some evidence of that pain and fear now when I lay her down at bedtime and she clings to me. She cries like I am going to leave her there. Poor baby -- she has been through so much in such a short time. It is amazing she even smiles and I owe it all to her foster mother! Harper is the strongest person I have ever met and we are so proud to call her our daughter. After shedding some tears Todd and I went back into our car and Harper seem so confused on what we were doing and why she would see her foster mom and then not be with her. Once at the restaurant they directed us all to a private room. In China everyone sits at a large round table with a lazy susan in the center and everything is served family style. I love that at Italian restaurants but here not so much! They place all sorts of bowls of food in front of us. I was thinking to myself what is that? I am not as daring as Todd and I barely eat meat in the states so to come here and see duck, pig and goose soup uhmm...no thank you! Luckily, I could just entertain Harper and pretend to eat (I didn't want to offend anyone)! They continued to bring out food to us and it probably ended up being 11 dishes and I tried two of them! The foster mother sat next to me and lifted out her hands and Harper jumped into them of course. She then proceeded to shovel (and I mean shovel) food into her mouth. I was amazed at how much this child can eat. Todd and I were looking at each other and saying, "Oh my gosh, we definitely were not feeding her enough"! I have to say my mommy nerves kicked into high gear when I saw her pile in the very long thick spinach leaves and lotus roots. I just told myself to relax and remembered that she took care of her for over a year and she knows what she is doing. Of course all the while I’m thinking to myself I would never do that! I was mesmerized by the foster mother interactions with Harper as they ate and halfway through the meal realized no one else was talking. There were our drivers at the table, the orphanage director, his daughter and the assistant director, as well as our guide. I asked our guide, 'Is it usually this quiet when people eat?" and she said. "No" and laughed. The language barrier is tough here b/c we want them to know that we really appreciate everything they done for us and continue to do for the kids of Fengcheng. My biggest regret is not learning more Mandarin before we came here.

Harper, was dressed in her best shoes and ready to go back to Fengcheng! Mopeds flying by us! A typical storefront in Nanchang Lotus leaves Housing in old Fengcheng City Small trucks are popular here because they fit a lot of people. We past another truck along the way and there were at least fifty people in the bed of the truck! The new Fengcheng City and a police a car in the background The hospital Harper had been out for her heart tests and blood work. Yes those are pigs in that truck! Harper taking a quick nap on daddy's lap before we arrive at the orphanage A big round of smiles! My favorite picture: Xia Xia "Harper" and her foster mom! The Fengcheng Orphanage Harper taking a look at her finding spot! All four of us at Harper's finding location. At least two mother's were present and we know her biological mother was there  on April 21, 2009. I had Todd grab a few rocks as a keepsake for Harper. Everyone chowing down! Shoveling the food in Harper's mouth! Harper looking at me like...hmm are you staying here? The land that goes on and on! Later that day as mommy and daddy were solemn, Harper was content and began to feed her daddy! We were making progress!

So Harper was very content and happy I would again try to make her laugh throughout the meal to just remind her hey kiddo you are still going home with me! I know the time would go by fast and soon we would have to say good-bye. My stomach was tight again and I just felt panicked that this is it. So before the end of our meal the foster mom started talking to our guide very loudly apparently that she did not like Harper being in diapers and said that she was potty trained. Next thing I know she was going out the door with Harper and I was thinking what is going on? Todd gave me the diaper bag and said "Go hurry up!" I had no clue where we were going...all I know is my legs were not moving quickly enough. When I got to the back open area of the restaurant there was...well not something we would call a bathroom but here in China they do! Once again there were stalls with open holes in the ground. It was dark and there were flies everywhere. The foster mom looked to me on how to get off the diaper. I just watched and thought to myself oh boy I will need to use my hand sanitizer wipes all over that child's body when we get in the car! So she whistled to Harper three times and Harper would still not pee. She put her on the mud floor of the bathroom and a woman walked past staring at Harper smiling and then pointed to me and I said, "She is mine." She did not know any English and just smiled and walked on like she has seen this picture a million times. Yes there was my child peeing all over the floor! I just was peering as a bystander trying not to touch anything. Then the foster mother looked at me and pointed to the urine puddle. I said, "Wow" and smiled. She picked up Harper and off we went back to the table. I sat down at the table and whispered to Todd, "That was interesting!" The guide then told her that we needed to put Harper's diaper back on so we did and the foster mom just went with it! She needed time to eat so I took Harper back into my arms and she cried for a few seconds but then watched her as she ate. It was a wonderful lunch and Harper and us enjoyed every second of it (minus the peeing!) It took all the strength I had to come here today but we are so extremely glad we did! Harper was in my arms as we walked out of the room into the stone courtyard. There was a slight breeze and Harper's little hairs flowed. Her face lit up as she looked at the foster mom. I knew I would remember that moment forever and hoped Harper could at least enjoy the final few minutes of Fengcheng air! We walked through the lobby and said thank you so the greeters and hostesses. My eyes filled with tears as my guide said, "Okay Mary Jane we will go now." I looked at the foster mom and then down at Harper and thanked her over and over again just as fast as she had said it to me in Chinese earlier. Todd shook the orphanage director's hand and we smiled at everyone. The foster mother touched Harper's face and Harper looked panicked. I began to cry and then reached out to the foster mother and hugged her tight! At this point she, Harper, Todd and I were sobbing. Our driver pulled up and I got in the car first with Harper and the last thing Harper's foster mom said to her was "Bao Bao" which means sweet baby. Todd got in the car, tears streaming down his face, and then foster mom ran to the car window smiling and waving through her tears. I blew her a kiss and wished her well. Harper tried to reach her arms out to go back and then was quiet. She was back to her happy self in just a few minutes. It was almost as if she knew that was their final good bye and we were her mommy and daddy, her new caretakers. It was so touching and one of the most poignant moments of my life. We could never repay Harper's foster mother for the wonderful life she has given Harper. She is truly an angel sent from God and we are so blessed to have her be a part of our story.

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