Trip to China
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Saturday, August 14, 2010 THE MOMENT OF TRUTH Today we would finally find out some information on Harper's heart condition, or at least I hoped we would. There was a small chance that Harper's Atrial Septal Defect, ASD, would close on its own. It was moderate size when we accepted her file so it could get smaller or larger. The Dr.'s would not be doing any diagnostic testing, such as an echo or an ultrasound, but at least we would be able to witness them listening to her little heart. We also would have to endure the dreaded vaccines that are required by the US government. China adoptions are now under the Hague convention which provides a framework for China and other Hague countries to work together to ensure that adoptions are in the best interest of the child. Also, it helps prevent abductions and trafficking of children. The object is to provide a safe and permanent home for children. There are many more bridges you have to cross to adopt from a Hague country and at times the paperwork, appointments, training and other logistics seem endless. Todd and I had to watch DVD's, attend adoption seminars and literally took tests to better understand parenting and discipline techniques, caring for a child from birth to adulthood and the bonding process. Personally, I think this should be required for all new parents! The Hague process came into effect the past year and a half and although it does a wonderful job in safeguarding the children it does lengthen the adoption process quite a bit. Years ago after you received your referral you traveled 4-6 weeks later. Now you travel anywhere from 4-9 months afterwards! By the time we were three months out from traveling to Harper I remember thinking how sad it was that she was taking her first steps without us because we were waiting on the US government's new rules. The paperwork and various approvals all seemed to be redundant. I didn't see how any of this was in the best interest of the child. The other negative, and most controversial topic about Hague adoptions and being an I-800 family, is the vaccines! There is a list of vaccinations that are required for all immigrants upon entering the states. The backlash from this new rule is in full effect and there is actually a bill in front of congress right now to get it revised. Apparently thanks to all the hard work and protests from adoptive parents the bill should get passed in November of this year. We are praying it does! I heard all these awful stories before I traveled about kids getting so sick from the shots. One child had to get eleven shots in one day! I didn't realize how much the vaccines would bother me until I was there seeing all these children, especially the ones with severe medical needs getting pumped with shot after shot! It was almost inhumane and made our stomachs turn! Another child we witnessed, that was newly adopted, would need a heart transplant when she hit the sates, and she still had to get four shots that day. These shots also come at a time where the newly adopted children are just starting to trust their parents. Talk about throwing a wrench into the whole bonding process. I would soon see the affect the shots would have on my relationship with Harper. In the past the I-600 families did not need to get the vaccinations and if you are currently an I-600 family, you can get a waiver on the shots. I have heard of a few instances where I-800 families got a waiver but that is pretty much a miracle if you do! At least the walk to her medical appointment was tranquil. Guangzhou has a sub-tropical climate and the surroundings with the oversized weeping trees were so abundant and old! Our shirts were sticking to our back like velcro and this was cooler than last week in Nanchang! It was a typical Saturday morning in a park: teens playing hacky sack in groups, the elders practicing Tai Chi, little kids playing Chinese checkers, and then Asian kids running around being chased by their new Caucasian parents. Okay so not a typical park scene in America! As I mentioned before every person adopting has to come to Guangzhou to finalize their adoption. It doesn't matter what age the adoptive parents are or the age of the children they are adopting -- this is a grueling trip! The environment here was different than Nanchang though. It was very westernized and there were tons of Americans! We definitely did not stick out like a sore thumb anymore! Instead of people taking pictures of us we were taking pictures of them from the everyday people on the street to the brides in their beautiful gowns to the runway models posing against the stone walls! Guangzhou is very metropolitan but this area near the Pearl River feels like Savannah, GA. The buildings had beauty and grace combined with a southern twist! The walkways and street markings were deep stone paths that just wrapped around the stores and green ways. It was lovely and we felt a sense of relief like we were on US soil again. However, we would quickly remember that we were not in our country just yet! Before our medical appointment we had to get Harper's visa picture taken. We went down a side alley following the Queen of Guangzhou...oops I meant our guide! We asked her some questions; some she answered and others she disregarded! We went into this tiny building which just housed a wooden chair and man with his camera. We were instructed to take off Harper's green headband which she was more than delighted to get rid of! We then had to slick her hair back behind her ears and plop her in the seat before she cried. Luckily, they got a picture they could use on the first try. Poor Harper thought that would just be her only torturous event for the day... little did she know what was in store! We only had to walk a half of block and then I saw the sign "Medical". We walked in at 10:30AM and the place was mobbed with kids of all ages and their worried parents. There was one couple who adopted a boy that was about 13 and he was in a wheelchair. We kept seeing them at our hotel as well and I just thought in my mind, God bless them! If it wasn't for his parents he would be an outcast in China with no hope for a job, a future or an existence. It makes your heart smile when you see the older kids getting adopted and how happy these kids are to have parents. The kids are more than happy to be going to America! My heart began to pound as we were ushered around to the front desk and me and the other adoptive mom, Robin, had tears and fear in our eyes. We just wanted to know the number of shots our child would receive. It was such a big mystery! Let me state for the record here I am not anti-vaccines. I just personally like to know what the ingredients are in each shot and would limit the high risk shots into different appointments. Yes, I have been known to call my Dr. and make them order me certain brands (so I might be more extreme than others!) Anyways, here my knowledge and opinions would not matter. I would have no say, but at least I could try to fight for my daughter. I have a really hard time conceptualizing how this is even allowed as you can deny the same shots in America for your child, but you are forced to receive them here. Most of us have no clue how severe the medical needs of our children are until we get home. Their medical records are typically wrong or missing information and to subject these little bodies to all these shots well, I find just plain wrong! I had my hopes set that Harper would not need any more than three shots. Our guide realized how concerned we were and brought us to the vaccination payment area. You pay for your shots here before you even see the list! She was quite surprised that we wanted to see the list beforehand. I was thinking in my head, don't most parents?! There was the list in black and white print. I counted as fast as I could. The number-six! Six shots for an 18 month old that was already vaccinated with half of these shots already! I was overwhelmed and began to cry. I tried to explain that some of the shots she already had been given but the Chines government also have different vaccination schedules then the US so it was translated back to me that we had to follow both countries rules. Now is this all done for political reasons? Some say yes and others disagree and say that the kids need to be vaccinated just as other children are in the states. Yes all children need their shots but back in the states it would be on our terms, our schedule and our vaccines- not Chinese versions of the shots. I don't know the real reason for all of this. All I knew is that this very happy child would soon be zonked out and overheated from what was about to take place. I heard the shrieking coming from the vaccine room and our guide moved us to the other long lines where we waited for the hearing test, weight and height check and quick physical exam. I was petty disgusted by the lack of safety procedures and cleanliness. The used the same tongue depressors and ear covers for several of the children. What could I do though? I just told myself to go with it and after you were done seeing one Dr. you moved to the next room. It was a very odd system. There was no regard to how stressful this was on the parents or children. We all just crowded in and you would hear screams and chaos in every corner. The only light and happiness in today's story was meeting other adoptive parents that I had talked with on my adoption chat rooms the past several years. I cannot even explain the support and love on these boards. I was addicted to them 24/7 this past year gaining advice and learning everything possible bit of information about heart conditions, travel arrangements, adoption agencies, etc. These very special people kept me sane throughout this whole process. I am seriously a walking encyclopedia on China adoptions procedures, tips and knowledge due to them! The first couple we came across asked our names and then said, "Wait...are you Flowermom?" I said, "Yes I am." We shared smiles and stories of our first days with our children and then we turned a corner and we meet someone else that was on Rumor Queen Adoption board. It was so funny to keep seeing people I had never met but felt like I knew them to their core. We had talked on message boards about our imitate details and feelings at the various adoption stages it was surreal to meet them now when we all felt so vulnerable. Harper screamed through every exam. The Dr.'s made me hold her tight as they poked and prodded their way around her belly, ears and head. After each station we gave her some of her favorite little Gerber puffs to munch on. You could just feel the negative energy in this place and most kids were not taking much food or drink from their parents. We entered the examination room where they would check her heart...finally! The nurse listened to her heart then left the room. I heard this would happen. None of the staff spoke English so it was quite hard to figure out what they were thinking and writing down. She came back in the room this time accompanied by a doctor. I gave Todd my very nervous look and he stared back at me. The nurse gave the doctor the stethoscope and she motioned her hand up and down on her chest almost trying to say loud and thud, thud! So that was our moment of truth! We knew she still had a heart problem. He went back to the guide and she said, "The doctor wants to know if she has a VSD?" We said, "No we were told ASD". I was thinking to myself well maybe she has both. I thought he might elaborate. Instead he said, "She has a strong heart and can get the shots!" I begged for a waiver but he said no and walked out of the room. Todd and I were so upset that our guide asked to speak to the head doctor. We would at least try to convince him and we hoped it would work. We went back to the waiting room and as we inched closer and closer to the vaccination room the screams got louder and louder. There was just a curtain separating us now. It was heart wrenching and I have stomach pains writing about it. It was horrible to see these kids going in and coming out a complete mess! The guide came back to us and said the head doctor will meet with you to hear your case. Whew! I kept praying to God that by some chance he could intercede and spare this child form these shots today. So we did our best...we begged, cried, pleaded with him. We told him all of her symptoms and promised him that as soon as we bring her back to the states we will get her vaccinated. He empathized with us. It was the first sign of sympathy I felt since we entered China! He was a good man but in the end after twenty minutes of us crying to him our waiver was denied. He said this was a United States rule and out of his hands. My heart sank I was never so saddened to be an American. As I said this is very controversial topic and I would give nothing less than my honesty in these stories. To have these rules placed upon every child with no consideration on the individual was just ridiculous! I would love to know how one of the senators would feel if this was their child! It wasn't China I was dealing with anymore - it was America. He told us how China does not want to vaccinate the children more than they have to and how they don't do more than a few shots in one day even in the orphanages. He said we could split up the shots but that the US would deny us entry if she still had a fever in two days when our Consulate Appointment was scheduled. We could be delayed in China for weeks. So now it was up to us. Do we do it all at once or wait and take the chance. Since our consulate appointment was Monday, she would not have any time to recover from a fever before the appointment, so we were pretty much forced to get them all today.

View from our room at the White Swan Hotel A man fishing on his boat Being led through the parks by the Queen of Guangzhou The park we walked through had sculptures of children and adults playing. It was so quaint! The Visa picture appointment Harper staring at the nurse's stethoscope wondering what was going to happen next! Even though Harper had her favorite pen in her hand she was still not happy getting her weight checked! Gripping on to daddy and wishing she was done with her medical exam! One of the many beautiful brides we saw! Our barbie doll compliments of the White Swan! Harper running around before her nap She was fading quickly! I think she had enough for one day as well! Harper taking off her band aids My new buddies outside my window! Harper mimicking me as I say, "Come here and let me check your temperature"!

Todd and I agreed that we had no choice but to get all of them today. Before I left for China I heard that one heart baby went into a seizure right after they received their first shot so I was more paranoid probably then some other parents there. The doctor told us to feed her some more food and then get in line so we did as we were told! I looked over and saw that the other family had received their shots and their little girl looked happy so that gave me a sign of hope. As we fed her I kept looking at the curtain pulled across the room and listened to the screams coming from behind it. It was so sad. I felt like I was stuck in a horror flick. I was engrossed in feeding Harper when a very nice lady appeared from behind the curtain and then asked us Harper's name. I said "This is Harper Lily" and she said, "Oh my I know her"! She was following my blog and was another one of my cyberspace friends! This was her second adoption and that was her daughter screaming in the background. She said she held down their first daughter and she told her husband this time he had to do it! After taking part in this I can see why parents rotate! It was so nice to have familiar people around and it was like we were all fighting this battle together. Well, apparently we made all the doctors nervous so they all stood behind the nurses as the shots were administered to Harper. Our guide told us we were special and that the doctors are never there. I didn't really feel that special! Everything was happening so fast and I made sure they used brand new sterile needles and I counted all the boxes. I was teary eyed and they told me to hold her down tight and let me say it was not in the easiest position. Her head was looking up at me and she was already screaming. Here we go...one in the upper arm, two in the lower left leg, two in the lower right leg and one in the upper right arm. I won't go into detail but it was the worst thing I ever sat through in my life. They were not gentle. We were told we had to wait 30 minutes and then we could leave. I pulled the curtain and ran out of the room. I sat on the bench crying my eyes out with Harper. My new friends and support team crowded around us and helped calm me down. I know every new parent goes through this - witnessing their child getting shots and being in pain for the first time. However, this was different, this was not only our first round of vaccines with a baby but we were also feeling helpless in a foreign country. There are no feelings to describe how I felt. I was done. I was done with China. I was done with the politics. I was done with Harper screaming. I was done for the day. I was done not having any control. I was done! Harper had no immediate reaction to the shot but I had a feeling it was coming! She was sweating so bad when we left there (a typical symptom of ASD) and now we had to walk 15 minutes back to our hotel with our guide. The doctors said to give her a lot of food and liquids. Great...thanks for the tip! As we walked Harper did something she had never done before. She hit my face! She was evidently mad that I put her through that ordeal! She did allow me to carry her but I could not look right at her, if I did she would swat at me and yell something in Chinese baby talk! This was not the time to discipline so I just said I was sorry and looked the other way for the rest of the walk. When I put her down in the room she ran off. I found a blond Barbie doll staring up at me on our desk. This was not just any Barbie doll. This was a Barbie doll made especially for adoptive parents. In the Barbie doll's arms was an Asian baby! I chuckled at hospitality gift from our hotel! Harper loved the doll and then she went into crazy mode running around back and forth from the bed to the sofa and back. She was wound up and soon she would crash hard into a sound sleep. While Harper was sleeping I ordered Todd and I some eggs. I had heard that when you are desperate for food eat order a fried egg! I repeatedly told the room service attendant that I wanted my eggs cooked fully and I also wanted rice. They said, "Okay, cooked fully". They then asked again,”Sunny side up? Once again I said, "No cooked fully." "No problem" was their response. I was so worn out and just wanted a good meal. I was sick of the ramen noodles and packets of oatmeal I brought. I was hoping they got this right! When the room service attendant started to set up our table I saw two wine glasses. I asked what they were for and he said, "The rice wine". I said, "No, we wanted rice". He said, "No problem". Sure, is what I was thinking. All I wanted was my darn rice. I was so hungry and I have been so limited in what I can consume in order to not get Montezuma's revenge! Well at least I have my eggs! He took off the lid and there were my eggs... sunny side up! I had absolutely no strength left to try to explain the style of eggs I wanted so I just plopped myself on the couch with my bottled water and the bread! Just when I thought my day could not get any worse I decided to get changed and lay down with Harper while she was still asleep. I went into the living room...(mind you we are staying on the 27th floor) and looked out. I thought I had lost my mind for good when I saw two Asian men outside my window. I yelled to Todd and his reply was, "Oh they must be cleaning the windows". I said, "Oh great, of course!" Then I heard a very loud drill and hammer sounds. This was just wonderful! Apparently, they were adding some sort of cell phone tower and this was the week they would be doing the 27th floor along the riverside. After I was dressed I went to the window and made hand motions that I was rocking a baby and then slapped my hands on my head to insinuated sleep. They looked at us smiled and continued to pound our wall. I was completely done once again and burst into tears only to wake up little miss Harper who now had a fever and welts from her shots. It looks like this was shaping up to be our least favorite day in China!

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