Monday, December 15, 2008
Today Lexi’s adoption was finalized and as far as China is
concerned, she is ours forever and always.
It was a really tough day for Lexi. She woke up very early and
was unable to get back to sleep even after a bottle, raisins,
and cheerios. In the early morning, she was open to letting both
Rob and Zoe hold her and snuggle with her. This was very special
for them and great news for me as it allowed me to take a quick
bath and put on make-up without worry.
But as the day progressed she became more and more forlorn.
There was a deep sadness in her eyes as she cried, “Mmmmmmmmmmaaaaaaa,”
over and over again. When we saw Director Li from JingDeZhen
this morning, she told me that “Ma” is the pronunciation for
mother in her dialect. Director Li smiled at this as she seemed
to think Lexi was calling for me. But I knew better. This mother
was unable to do little more than hold her child as she cried
out repeatedly for her foster mother, the woman she had known as
mother for her entire life until now. It broke my heart to hold
her sobbing body as she mourned a loss that no child should ever
have to endure.
But there is a bright ray of hope. Through her tears, Lexi clung
to me. She let me hold her tight, caress her back, and touch her
face. Tonight at bedtime, she cried in my arms as I gently
rubbed her tummy. When I went to put my hand down, she reached
for it and returned it to her tummy. She is allowing me to
comfort her through her grief and for that, I am eternally
grateful. Her trusting me enough to comfort her in sadness,
tells me she will trust me enough to love me when she is ready.
And if she can love me (which I KNOW she can) she will also
learn to love her father, sister, and countless others who will
touch her life.
It was also a tough day for Zoe. You can imagine how upsetting
it is for a five year old to watch the sister she has waited her
entire life for do little more than cry in her Mommy’s arms. Zoe
was a trooper though. She even distracted Lexi from crying a few
times with her silliness and willingness to get down on the
floor with her to play.
Tomorrow is a new day. I pray Lexi’s broken heart will begin to
mend. I look forward to the first time I see a sparkle in her
eye and her toothy smile. I cannot wait to experience the sound
of her giggles and belly laughs. She’ll get there … |
This is one smitten Daddy.
Zoe LOVES to hold Lexi every chance she gets.
The baby tub makes a really cool boat. |
