Trip to China
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Friday, December 19, 2008 I just love waking up early in the morning before my family does. I stand in our hotel room and gaze at each of them … Rob, laying on his side with covers up to his neck, Zoe, all curled up on her tummy and buried under the blankets, and Lexi, sprawled on her back with both hands strew out beside her. I can hardly believe that a few weeks ago I called my Mom in tears, afraid that I would not feel a love as strong for Lexi as I do for Rob and Zoe! I knew my heart would grow bigger with this adoption but could not fathom it was possible. Well, Lexi has stolen my heart as her sister did four years ago. The history of experience I have had with Zoe is not there yet, but Lexi is MINE and apparently I am hers. Our bond continues to grow stronger daily. With the exception of walking down to breakfast yesterday, I have carried Lexi everywhere in the carrier. My hips are starting to feel it but I hope to carry her as much as my body will possibly allow me to. She needs to be close to me, to feel the rise and fall of my chest when I breathe, to hear my heartbeat, and to feel my hands gently caress her back or hold her to me when she falls asleep in my arms. She is learning that I am her Mommy and has actually begun to call me Mama … what a sweet sound to my ears! I have made it a point when we are in the room to give Lexi floor time. She sits and plays with her toys exploring each of them with an avid curiosity. It is during this time that I scoop my big girl into my arms and hold her tight showering her with kisses and whispering sweet nothings in her ears. These special moments are making it easier for Zoe to share me. I know she longs to be carried as I carry her sister, but she is adjusting to the changes in our family. There is something wonderful that seems to be blossoming between Zoe and Daddy as Lexi and I spend so much time together. They are becoming closer. Zoe has always been a Mama’s girl … big time! Last night as I fed Lexi her bottle right before bed, Rob was sitting a few feet from us. Zoe said, “Daddy, will you hold me?” After climbing into his arms and nestling in for some holding time she sighed and quietly claimed, “I just love this.” Last night I was reminded once again of what an incredibly light sleeper Lexi is. I had patted her tummy until she drifted off and then quickly followed suit. About an hour I woke up coughing with violent acid reflux. She immediately woke up and started to cry. While Rob called around until her could find someone who could share some Pepcid AC with me, I held her and patted her back. She drifted off but when I lay her down she began to cry again. After Rob located the med I needed and gave it to me, I sat beside her crib and patted her tummy for about thirty minutes until she drifted off to sleep once again. At about 3am she woke up crying. I quickly fixed her a bottle which she wolfed down. I was prepared for more crying but that never came. Instead, after the bottle was done and I lay her down, she went right back to sleep. Today is a free day except for a paperwork meeting at 3pm. I have been the “go to girl” for paperwork all along and this is the BIG meeting so it needs to be me that attends. I’d be lying if I did not admit that I am more than a bit nervous about how this is going to go over. Lexi gets VERY when she cannot see me. How is she going to handle being with her Daddy and sister only for two to three hours!?! I’ll report back later and let you know. Well, the day is now done. Rob arranged for our group to rent a bus for an impromptu trip back to the People’s Park in the morning. Elsie was kind enough to join us. At the park, we let the children (and some adults) go on many of the rides. Zoe rode the cars again, and then she and her Daddy went on a water ride. Lexi and I joined in the fun when we climbed on a rocket ship ride with Z. It spun much more quickly than I expected and I found myself gripping the inside bars really tightly to prevent all three of us from flying out of the ship. We won’t be riding that again. Scary! That said, both girls loved it! Then Zoe painted a moon piggy bank to bring home as a keepsake. On our way back to the bus we learned that one family’s video camera had been stolen. Thankfully all their previous video had been backed up to their computer so all was not lost, but still. I always feel so sad when I hear of people stealing or hurting others. I think of the world as an inherently good place and it hurts a little when I am reminded that this is not always the case. Upon returning from our trip to the park, Zoe and Daddy took one last dip in the pool while Lexi and I shared lunch in our room with Renee and Leah. The girls were so cute as they just sort of stared at one another waving their hands about. Then came the part of the day I was not looking forward to. Lexi began to scream … literally … as I strapped her to her Daddy. I quickly exited the room and headed down for the paperwork meeting. The meeting itself went smoothly and we were done within two hours. Right as we were finishing up, Rob and Lexi showed up at the door. Rob told me he had been unable to comfort her, that she had cried herself to sleep for a half hour, and that when they went for a walk, she calmed down a bit. When a Chinese woman approached Lexi, she curled into Rob so that is good. She prefers Daddy over strangers even if she doesn’t like him much yet. Her lower lip was jutted out in sadness and the moment she saw me she started to wail! Thankfully I was done with paperwork so I scooped her up and held her close as I assured her over and over again that Mommy always comes back. She is very much like Zoe was in this regard … she wants Mommy, Mommy, and Mommy of Mommy ALL.THE.TIME! I don’t mind and Rob understands, but Zoe is taking this particularly hard still. I finally had a talk with Z last night about how she is not going to be allowed to carry Lexi for a while, and rather than hold her sister, she is going to need to sit close to her and just rub her back, hair, or hands rather than wrap her arms around her sister. I explained (and will do so again tomorrow) that Lexi won’t always act this way. But it is still confusing for Zoe.

Lexi loved playing in the ball pit. Safe and sound in Mommy's arms. Having fun at the People's Park. On the water ride. The rocket ship ride ... we had NO idea what we were getting into! Merry Almost Christmas!!!

We need to make this change because when Zoe does hold her sister, Lexi arches her back, kicks her little feet out, a screams a blood curdling scream. I am concerned that one or the other of them is going to get hurt and I think being held by her sister is hindering rather than helping Lexi’s bond with Zoe. We need to take a few steps back and give a little more space and time for a bond to form between the girls. In the evening we went out for another group dinner at a delicious restaurant. The food was wonderful and Lexi ate pretty much anything I put on the table in front of her. At one point Zoe needed to go to the bathroom. I could hear the screams from all the way across the crowded restaurant that ensued after Lexi discovered Mommy was gone. Thankfully she calmed down quickly upon my return. That is one good thing. Lexi is very regulated and calm in my presence. She rarely cries or gets upset when I am around and when she does, she allows me to comfort her quickly and easily. Not so much with anyone else though. After supper we returned to our room and Rob packed everything up since we leave for Guangzhou early in the morning. The next time I post we’ll be loving life at the beautiful White Swan hotel. Until then …

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