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January 8, 2006
Dear Sianna,
It is 12:43 on a Sunday afternoon. Your daddy is going this
week to get his fingerprints done. We HOPE this time it will
be ok and they will accept them. This is one of the last
steps in a very long process before the real “wait” can
begin. Once our prints are accepted we will need to wait for
a special form that allows us to go to China to get you.
Then we can finally send our paperwork for you to China and
once they tell us that they have received it….the BIG wait
begins. At this point, I am just hoping I can come and get
you this year.
I debated on writing to you about my frustrations because I
really just want happy thoughts of this process. But it has
been difficult…and I think it will be fair for you to later
read this, and have a true understanding. Your daddy and I
have been thinking of you non stop since November of 2004.
When we first began this process of adoption we had nothing
but excitement….and still do! But because of so many
delays…slowing us down…we are growing very sad just because
so much time has already passed and we don’t want to enjoy a
single moment more of our lives without you! You are already
such a part of this family even though no one has yet met
you. Almost everyday at least one person asks me…. “So when
are you getting Sianna?”
On my way to work…and from work…is what I call my “Sianna
time”. This is when I talk to you. I tell you how much I
love and miss you and some about what is going on with us. I
also think about where you may have come from and what China
will be like. I picture our reunion and the feeling I will
have once I finally have you in my arms….its something I
doubt I will ever be able to describe in words. I imagine
this time for you will not be so grand…which I am preparing
for. After all, you will be used to your surroundings and
the Nanny’s who are caring for you…and then here I will
come, taking you from the only life you h ave ever known.
You may spend our first hours together only crying…which I
welcome….because I understand. It will be difficult to see
you so unhappy when at the same point I am overfilled with
joy….but it will make the moment you reach for me or daddy
with a smile….that much sweeter.
Now there are babies, I have heard that do not cry and
simply are handed over to their parents and they never look
back. I am also preparing for that as well. Either way, as I
said, once I “gotcha”, its all about you and us….and we can
together…handle what ever we need to.
So yes…there have been frustrations on our journey to you.
And I am sure that there will be more. But more than
anything in my life, I have never been so focused or
determined in in an effort….bringing you home. These are
minor set backs when all is said and done…and well worth it
all just to have you with us. So no matter when that day
falls….it doesn’t really matter….because you are already in
my heart and I didn’t have to wait on anyone/thing for that!
I love, love, love you!!!!!
~Mommy
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January 13, 2006
Hey little one!
It is 9:05 pm…on a Friday night. I just got back from a week
in Parkersburg, WV for work. Your daddy went to Nashville
early this morning to get printed. We are crossing our
fingers…three prints came in as “poor”…which probably means he
will need to go back once again. But we are going to be
hopeful and pray that these will go through. We should know in
about a week an half. He took the weekend to go fly fishing in
Gatlinburg with his “fly buddies”. He is doing this mind you
in snow, ice, rain and freezing cold!!! He asked me if I
wanted to go to this “extreme fly fishing” adventure…obviously
I said no and instead I am enjoying being cozied up in my
comfys and watching our dogs fuss over who gets the bone. My
guess is Abby will win :)
Oh and I wouldn’t laugh too much about your daddy’s fanatical
fly fishing…I wouldn’t be surprised if he already had a rod
hidden somewhere in this house…waiting for you. Oh yes he has
visions of all three of us knee deep in the Holston River
casting away to catch the big brown with his special hand made
flies. That is your father’s idea of heaven on earth…and
actually a very sweet thought…but we’ll see :)
Well hopefully I will be writing you next to tell you that his
prints were accepted and we are on our way to going DTC!!!!!
We are so close…yet so far away! Most of the families that
started the process with us and after us….are already “waiting
families”….I am not sure why we have encountered so many set
backs…but there is a reason for everything. It will be here
before we know it!
Love you always,
~Mommy
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January 25, 2006
Dear Sianna,
<sigh> Today was difficult. Not that it is any different
from any other day…but for some reason today you were
HEAVY in my thoughts. We have not heard about your daddy’s
prints yet….not sure if that is good news or bad news. I
did contact our agency today….sounds like we still have a
long road ahead. According to the email he sent…maybe
three months before we get the form we need to send our
documents to China. I am trying so hard to not think about
the time…but I am failing miserably at this.
I realize that I said I would not start your room until we
were “DTC”…I am thinking of changing this… :) I think that I
will start your room in February!!!!! I can’t control the
“red tape” but I can control the “red thread”….what
connects you to us!!!!! Your granddaddy and grandma…are
the greatest people I know in my book :) …and they remind me
to change the things I can control…and accepts the things
that I can not. This is what I am trying to do.
Just know that I am here…thinking of you always…and loving
you forever!!! We may be a 1000 miles apart and months and
months away from physically connecting…but everyday you
are with me!!
Sleepless in Tennessee,
~Mommy
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| January 28, 2006
Sianna,
It is Saturday afternoon around
12:51 pm. And yes I woke up about an hour ago!!! Your
mommy loves to sleep…something I realize I will be
giving up when you come along. But that is ok…I am
ready!!
We have not heard anything about
Daddy’s prints…I am thinking this is good!!!! Hopefully
God placed his hands on this one…and said…they have
waited enough…lets move this thing on!!!!
I went into a store today…for
just about 5 minutes while your daddy popped into the
UPS Store. It is called… “As we grow”…OK CUTE THINGS IN
THERE!!!! I saw about 50 outfits I would love to see you
in!! Every hair bow in every color you could imagine and
the cutest shoes!!!! I could have stayed in there for
hours! I did not get anything but it is nice to know
that as we get closer…you are going to be one snazzy
little dresser!!!
Well I got my passport
yesterday….or I should say applied for it yesterday. I
should have it in about 6 weeks from yesterday. It felt
great! The gentleman who was helping me…saw that I had
marked China on the question that said, “what countries
will you be traveling to”…he asked me what was in
China. I replied with, “my daughter”. I went on to
explain who you are and what we are doing…he was so
excited for us…and said a small prayer for you! I have
been amazed at all the strangers I have met during this
process so willing to give of their hearts openly to us
to show their support.
Oh your room, your
room!!!! I don’t understand why I can’t get any one idea
to stick with me long enough!! I can not tell you how
many beddings I have looked at and how many nursery
themes I have gone through. I did come across a site
that had something called “Asian Color Symbolism”. Now I
am not sure if there is any truth to it…but this is what
it says:
Asian Color Symbolism
Red: Happiness, marriage, prosperity
Pink: Marriage
Yellow: Against evil, for the dead, geomantic
blessings
Green: Eternity, family, harmony, health, peace,
posterity
Blue: Self-cultivation, wealth
Purple: Wealth
White: Children, helpful people, marriage,
mourning, peace, purity, travel
Gold: Strength, wealth
Gray: Helpful people, travel
Black: Career, evil influences, knowledge,
mourning, penance, self-cultivation
So I guess I need to have a
rainbow of colors in your room!!! Hmmmm….I guess this
means that I keep looking and searching…and one day it
will come to me. Your father is no help in this area…he
just says… “No pink”! But I promise…once it is done
whether it is pink, purple or green….he will love
it….because it will illuminate with YOU!!!!
Well that is it for now….loving
you every minute of every day!!!!!
~Mommy
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| January 30, 2006
Hey little one!
It is 11:00 PM on a Monday
night. I had a long but good day at work. Still no
word on your daddy’s prints…I am thinking that as
every day passes that we do not hear anything…the
better it is!!! I think we might have finally passed
through the fingerprinting challenge!!! This
means….that we are waiting for that 171H form!!!! But
I will keep my excitement down…until I have that piece
of paper in my hands!!!
I am apart of a wonderful,
amazing group of people…the group is called “The China
Angels”. It consists of families who have already
adopted little girls from China or are waiting to
adopt. This group is saving our life!!! The people are
so genuine and helpful and just so supportive. The
group meets the first Monday of every month or
sometimes a different day depending on an event. I
tend to miss quite a few meetings due to traveling for
work…and we missed a big one on Saturday….The Chinese
New Year!!! I hear this year is the year of the
dog and this is going to be the year you are
born!!!! So this is what they say about people born
the year of the dog:
People born in the Year of the
Dog possess the best traits of human nature. They have
a deep sense of loyalty, are honest, and inspire other
people’s confidence because they know how to keep
secrets. But Dog People are somewhat selfish, terribly
stubborn, and eccentric. They care little for wealth,
yet somehow always seem to have money. They can be
cold emotionally and sometimes distant at parties.
They can find fault with many things and are noted for
their sharp tongues. Dog people make good leaders.
They are compatible with those born in the Years of
the Horse, Tiger, and Rabbit.
I am not sure how much of this
is true…but I am anxious to see what lies inside
you!!! I looked up mine and your fathers….this is what
is said about us:
Your daddy was born the year
of the Monkey…1968.
People born in the Year of the
Monkey are the erratic geniuses of the cycle. Clever,
skillful, and flexible, they are remarkably inventive
and original and can solve the most difficult problems
with ease. There are few fields in which Monkey people
wouldn't be successful but they have a disconcerting
habit of being too agreeable. They want to do things
now, and if they cannot get started immediately, they
become discouraged and sometimes leave their projects.
Although good at making decisions, they tend to look
down on others. Having common sense, Monkey people
have a deep desire for knowledge and have excellent
memories. Monkey people are strong willed but their
anger cools quickly. They are most compatible with the
Dragon and Rat.
I must say…that it does
reflect a lot of what your daddy is…and what was nice
to see…is that he is compatible with the Rat…which is
me….1972.
People born in the Year of the
Rat are noted for their charm and attraction for the
opposite sex. They work hard to achieve their goals,
acquire possessions, and are likely to be
perfectionists. They are basically thrifty with money.
Rat people are easily angered and love to gossip.
Their ambitions are big, and they are usually very
successful. They are most compatible with people born
in the years of the Dragon, Monkey, and Ox.
<smile> These are so
funny…because there is a lot of truth to mine…even the
not so good stuff…<grin> Anyway…I just wanted to add
these to your letters...it will make for interesting
conversations in the future!
Well I could talk to you for
hours and hours!!!! We are getting ready to say Good
bye to January and hello to February…I am praying this
month gets us closer to you!!!
You are my sunshine
everyday!!!!
~Mommy
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